I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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