If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
