Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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