mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
