it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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