I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
