What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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