Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
