remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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