She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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