I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
