nut hugger
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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