This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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