So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
