i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
