College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
