and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
