Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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