I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
