Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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