So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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