my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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