Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Will exercising make me less horny?
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