I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
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