Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
