so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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