Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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