He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
