I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
