3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
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