The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize