I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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