Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
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He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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