found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
