it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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