She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
