I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
