Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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