you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
