.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
