Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize