I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
