I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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