With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
