dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I look better un-naked...
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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