Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
