Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
