it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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