I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
