You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
