If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You are a genius and a whore.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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