Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
