I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
