Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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