So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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