my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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