you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
