i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm jealous of your bromance
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
