i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
