take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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