she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
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drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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