The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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