I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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