so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
