Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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