Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
