1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
