yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
My life is pants optional.
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