This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
