real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
