He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
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We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
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If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
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