It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
