Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
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