how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
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I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
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Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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