and you said cock pushups were impossible
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
