well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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