We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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