In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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