Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
