Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
